


Clear

by achievement_huntresss



Series: Flan's MH/CL44 fics [3]
Category: Clear Lakes 44, Marble Hornets
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Dual Personality, Identity Issues, Mindfuck, Walker is Jessica, i just love my best girl okay, i want her in more things, jessica uses she/her, kind of, me immediately - liked favorited and subscribed, someone: hey what if jessica was-, walker uses they/them pronouns, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-24 10:19:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16638077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achievement_huntresss/pseuds/achievement_huntresss
Summary: Sometimes she's louder than they are but the world doesn't get anymore clearer.





	Clear

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this artwork!!
> 
> http://softbards.tumblr.com/post/128361679757/i-really-like-the-idea-of-jessica-being-the
> 
> Enjoy!!

Sometimes they remember who they used to be.

It comes in flashes mostly. They'll look at their gloved hands and remember porcelain skin or recall her playing the piano. They might be in a house, in a bedroom, and look at the wall and picture posters. Of a movie she liked or a band she listened to a long time ago. Then they'll catch a glimpse of themselves in the mirror, a slim figure with a face moving too fast to see and frown (or remember what a frown was). They remember soft features, long dark hair that never curled the right way. They'll often catch themselves in the mirror, reaching for the top of their head, as if to brush the hair out of her face before they drop their hand and remember.  
\---  
Some triggers are stronger than others. They aren't sure what will set it off, but she comes to the surface and screams loudly, she wants OUT, she wants her BODY BACK, and then she's gone again. They're always sad when she disappears from their consciousness. Or at least they think they are. They're not quite sure if they can actually feel emotions or if it's something else making them have them. They like the birds, but if they see a blue jay, there's flashes of someone in her mind. A boy, with dark circles under his eyes and a smile that doesn't quite reach them. A flash of the boy, wearing a camera and a hat. Flashes of tapes, of cameras, of motels, of pills, of a man in a mask, of the woods at night and then suddenly she's gone again. The flashes of images, the memories she brings with her shock them. They always need to sit down for a while afterwards, feeling exhausted, even if the emotional imagery onslaught lasts a few moments.  
\---  
One time, as they were getting jam from a shelf in a nearly abandoned grocery store, they noticed a young man with glasses and suddenly her mind was filled with flashes of a tall boy with blonde hair, with glasses and a striped sweater, with a gun, a gun pointed at her and the boy with the hat, the man in the mask helping them. The scenery around them flashes and suddenly they're outside, running full speed away from the grocery store, not caring if any cameras see them sprint through the street. The memories ache and burn and pull at edges of their mind that they do not want to visit ever again.  
\---  
They sit in the woods and she remembers. She remembers a man with no face watching her stumble through the darkness, she remembers a man in a hood with a comforting hand on her back telling her to stay low, she remembers a girl with blonde hair and a smile so bright it hurt to know it was gone from this world. She remembered lies about hotels and documentaries, about everything being fine. She remembered taking her pills, oh God when was the last time she took her pills? She wails at the night sky and then suddenly she is gone again, leaving only them, alone in the woods.  
\---  
They are running, they are always running and they don't know why they can't stop. As they devour the contents of another jam jar, she remembers running, through her neighborhood with other children, on the track in high school, through the woods with the man in the hood and the man in the mask. They mourn for them, but they don't know why. They never know why. They keep running.  
\---  
They sit behind a storage container and watch. They sit and listen. There are cameras, but not focused on them. There's a man in a blue shirt at the end of the alley with boxes (full of pills? full of tapes? they don't know). They watch the man out of curiosity. They cannot see his face. Another man comes and takes the boxes from him and the man in the blue shirt turns to leave. They see his face. She sees his face. He's grown a beard, but she can see his face.

Flashes of a mask, of pills, of cigarettes and cameras and tapes and motels and the woods all spinning around in her head-

She follows him.

He notices her.

The cameras do not.

"Jessica?" He says, stepping forward. He looks surprised, shocked, scared, every emotion at once.

She feels the same way.

He takes another step forward.

_Jessica_

Everything seems clearer, like wiping fog off your glasses.

_Jessica_

She remembers.


End file.
